Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
