i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
