no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
