Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
