I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
