They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
