dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
