Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
