i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
