yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
