Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
