My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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