His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
