hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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