Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
