dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
