I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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