she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was like eating out sand paper
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
