We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's the barista slut.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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