i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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