That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
