TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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