i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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