Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
