if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
