We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
