she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
