Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
