So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
