My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
