Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
