When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
