The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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