well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
