I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
