You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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