Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
