Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
