Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
home. puking in laundry basket.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
