last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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