Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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