____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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