It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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