I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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