i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
