Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
