just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize