I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
