Moan for me like Helen Keller
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
