she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
