I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm too high and old for this...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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