I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
