You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
