I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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