I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
