Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
