NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
