you traded sex for a burrito?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
