Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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