I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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