Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
