i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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