it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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