dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
