This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
